Getting Deployed... Now I know

How are you supposed to feel when you decide to raise your right hand and take the chance of deploying for your country. Especially when you witness everyday selfish ppl that try hurting ppl here. Well I found out today after this past weekend of SRP, which is getting ready for the pre deployment physical. I am deploying with a unit other then my own, non the less it is our sister unit to our own. Well a lot of ppl kind of new it might happen but didnt really want to believe we might be one of the people. Well we got to our unit after the long weekend and we were in formation. When all of a sudden 1st SGT tells us that she was going to start calling off names and those ppl should post and stand behind her. She seemed like she was almost done calling names when all of a sudden i hear PFC Sanders. I said MOVING 1ST SGT and i ran into the formation behind 1st sgt and i was standing there looking at the non deploying ppl and it was really weird to be in that position. The ppl that were getting deployed out of my unit looked so sad. We dont have all the answers and things are constantley changing about our deployment. I dont really know exactly who to tell about it because no one of my friends really have been through this but I know they are always there to help me when i need it, even if i dont. I cant help but think about how Jason is going to take this. He really didnt want me to go in the first place. He will praobably be crushed. We talked about it before he left so it wont be the biggest surprise him. But if he is going to be content and know everything will be ok. i will feel a little more content with going. He is away as everyone following my blog knows, and i can not just call him and have a talk about everything. Instead i have to write a letter and i dont want him to feel bad. I want him to know how i feel and hear it in my voice. But yea idk whats in line for me with my deployment. I start training for it soon and i hope you all pray for me***

Blast from the Past*** And cant wait for my future

OMG!!! Ok so today i have not gotten a letter from jason. But i know he probably didnt have time to mail it off or even write it lol*** I know how that goes, but thats ok because I am writting him everyday no matter what. Because even though he cant write sometimes i know he can always read*** Soooo I wrote him today and one of the pages was a bunch of pictures i tried to draw of some really meaningful moments in our life... lol like when he asked me out at the Drive in movie and i kind of didnt agree.... then he asked me out at the bowling alley and I said YES*** also another moment is when we first moved in together and another is when we first danced together at the Pier and im not talking any dancing. He helped me up to the high part of the pier and we did like ballroom type dancing he spun me around and did the whole roll me into him and dip me. It was beautiful because ppl started watching us. lol Ill never forget that. Jason wrote his and my name on the actual pier. I was not there but he took a picture of it, and as bad as that is i really still like it and ill have the picture forever.

So today I went to work in chicago and me and my battle were putting together these huge 8ft shelves like the one in the picture below only thing is there were no backs to the ones that we rebuilt. So they didnt seem sturdy but 3 hrs after we got done and started on the other half of the room and got almost done with that side... when i went to grad the last pole and i held on the the shelves we had finished before and it started to slant and it is sooo heavy i knew i couldnt hold it all up because it was 7 rows of what you see in the picture 8ft tall. Yea and we were on a cement floor and it was so loud. I was like oh no and my battle buddy turned around and yelled SANDERS!!! and tried to run to it and i covered my face and it knocked me down. It was ontop of me and my battle came and had to pull me from under it*** Everyone ran in there yelling are you guys ok. Seriously i got a couple cuts and bruises but im fine. Just mentally seeing something that huge coming at you is crazy*** The first thing that came to my mind was how much i miss my hubby*** no joke*** LATER guys***

Getting Jasons first letter**

Alright so today i went to work in Chicago moving all day a lot of heavy furniture. LONG day i must say but a good work out until the end. I pulled a really bad muscle in my back. Hurts really bad. But the best part of the day i called early this morning to find out if my engagement and wedding band were in the store yet from when i sent it in to get put together and dipped. Yea they said it wasnt. So i was sad. but... then i got a call from my sister and she said that my letter from jason came in. my first one. I WAS SO HAPPY*** Then i got a call from my ring place and they said that they had my rings now that they had come in after almost 2 weeks. I was so happy man. Besides today being a longwork day it was a great day. i got home so fast and read Jasons letter and i loved every second of reading it. I love the way he talks to me in his letter. I wont give you guys ALL the juicy info but ill let you guys know this much... He said that he looks at his wedding band like i do now lol i use to look at it and comment about it everyday lol and he said now he feels like me. He said he thinks about me all day and what helps him get to sleep and wake up is knowing its closer to getting to see me. His letters are priceless and so thoughtful*** He said this time away has one positive... he will come home and... well lol I cant share that lol*** He might kill me hahah. And give me that look again hahah***

lol well yea im in bed now and Im gonna get to bed because i work in chicago again tomorrow morning. it sucks*** Well thanks guys*** CHAO***

Following in Ashley's foot steps

OMG I just broke my computer*** I just sat on it right... so now i have this huge shatter look over my screen. So if i misspell a word its not my fault*** I cant believe this. Ashley's computer acts up and now i brake mine hahah what are the odds lol*** But hey thats okay because ASHLEY is awsome... lol i dont mind following in her foot steps hahah...


So yea Jason's parents, family, and I are going to be buying Jason an awsome lab top for his birthday and I cant wait because when he is at AIT schooling in Alabama foor 5 months then we can webcam and chat eve3ryday and thats awsome. Only thing is i need to get me a new computer and yea... money is very tight but im going to make it work somehow*** God blesses me everyday i wake up in the morning*** I know he's watching and he's got a plan***

I'm all over the place... what to call this???

So today i went to my mother and father in laws cook out and i had a blast. I thought Jason would call today but i didnt expect it. Expecting is a way of letting failure in. So I'm sad he didnt call because i have a lot to ask and tell him. So I think i have his address wrong and i have written so many letter and i just really hope he gets them because i will be so bummed out. I think i know the right address but i pray he gets the other mail. I miss him like crazy.

So before Jason left we took care of everything together. if he needed money for any reason i could help him out and if i did he would always help me out. Well he's gone now and i have no doubt that i can take care of everything without his help, thats not the problem. Its just that when things go upsetting or not as planned i loved having his shoulder to lean on and for his encouraging words to help me see its not a big deal. Now he's gone and i get down about something little i know and i cant get back up, although i did today because of the wonderful family i have forcing me to say yes to play outside volleyball lol. hahah well yea thats that and I miss him so much.

I heard someone say today that you dont know how much you miss someone until they are gone. I remember before when me and Jason were just friends he said that my current boyfriend didnt know what he had until im gone and that if he had me he would know what he has and he would never loose me. He was so right. I missed him when he just ran to the store for something or while i was at work. i missed him whenever we werent together. I love being around him 24/7 and i know thats weird. i have never felt that way about ANYONE seriously***

for what your about to read all i have to say is...
Yea this is the last im going to ever think her up in my head again. She's a low life and i could punch her in the face.

But anyways Thanks for reading guys. I'm gonna just... idk write him a letter to what im sure his real address is. UGH!!!!!!!!!
Oh yea and Elisa he's mine ok do you want to see the ring??? Dont ever text him again. What are you 17? You said he's seriously cute... ok DUH you dont need to tell him*** Dont lie about what was said because uh duh i read all your text messages*** My hubby is gone and you dont see me texting his friends and ppl telling them to cheer me up because i cant handle it. Seriously grow up and wait for your guy without texting other guys and telling them how cute they are, Your lucky God is in my heart.

Why did I join the Military for real? Whats the real reason that i got to where i am***
I will tell you exactly why i did what i did***
I was in Champaign Illinois for school and working when i decided to join the Army National Guard. I was not doing to well in school and it seemed like what i wanted was so far away and hard to get when i had to mooch for a ride to school everyday. It gets old for both ends i know. I started not wanting to ask for a ride and then i started missing class. As much as i have always loved school and always wanted to be a teacher i thought about giving up my long life dream to something i could do all on my own. When i say all on my own i mean i did not want to depened on anyone but ME. I'm a twin so i have done about everything with someone you know. Doing things on my own scared me for so long. When me and my sister moved to champaign we started to split apart. She had her friends and i basically had none. NOT none because i had my amazing room mates but at times it felt like i didnt even have that. normal im sure. But i felt like everything around me w2as going wrong and i couldnt stand to be around it any longer. Soooo I wanted to get away from what i called infected ppl. Well it got me to where i am and thats happy as ever. I coould not be any happier. I love my career and i plan to give it all i got because i didnt depend on anyone but me*** But thats all changed now and i thank everyone that helped me to get to where i am now***

saying goodbye 1 to many times***

I knew that Jason would be getting his cell phone takin away while he is in training OMG!!! He is calling me right now*** Im so excited right now i want to cry*** You guys have no idea i have waited all day.. brb... Now im off the phone and its always the same. I get off the phone and i go into a stare thinking and my eyes fill up with water and I cant help but cry. its not tear action its really crying and i can never stop so i try to fall asleep. I dont tell ppl i cry often because hello military and you know my image lol. no really im trying to stop right now. I dont wear make up during the day to much anymore because if i drive during work i tend to cry listening to music and makeup would not be good for that business.. Well im not a cry baby i swear i just idk i miss my baby so much***

A Soldiers longing***

Jason is gone for training in South Carolina Ft Jackson. He's gone and wont be back until January. Then we get to leave together to where he will be stationed. I write him pretty much about 5 times a day, im talking long letters. I miss him a lot and while in front of everyone i seem like i have it all together and i can patiently wait... I can but then again Im human and i miss my Hubby more then iv ever missed anyone or anything in my entire life. I have it together ofcourse but I find it hard to want to go out. I just want to sit at home in our room and write him or read this book he got me before he left. I've been through basic training and AIT before and with my other half going through it now i feel like im going through it again. I know my baby is going to do great and I cant wait to see him***